I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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