I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Someone signed my nipple.
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