i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
