I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My cat gives me a boner
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We're too hungover to prance.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
