Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
