can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
