She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
