Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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