i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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