Sry I called you an 8
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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