yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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