you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
