that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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