Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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