he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
