shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
