oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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