I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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