She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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