On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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