Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
