Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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