guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize