She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
