he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
