Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
