ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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