never play flip cup with pint glasses
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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