I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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