Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
