There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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