oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
