Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
