he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize