He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
