She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
