Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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