Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
