you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Enjoy the penises
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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