My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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