You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
