rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
