his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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