I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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