i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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