Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
