Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
porn star boner night. come get it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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