Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
