dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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