He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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