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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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