Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
