I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize