i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's the barista slut.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The Olympian is in my bed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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