I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
