his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He felt like a one man threesome
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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