i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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