my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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