Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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