he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
