i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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