If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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