I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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