I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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