I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
