My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
