Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
