just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
