btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
