Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
