Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
