Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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