So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
